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Keeping The Spice Alive…

…in your relationship.  How do you keep the spice alive? Especially when the honeymoon period is over. Because this is when the work begins. This is when the nurturing and maintenance starts, so what do you to keep it afloat? When your relationship  reaches a “dead end,” how do you save it? Do you jump into another and keep repeating the cycle? I hope not! I am not an expert by any means. Well, maybe I am a self proclaimed one. However, I’m a sucker for learning new things everyday. From everyone and anyone. So, feel free to share your tips and thoughts. And of course, I grant you permission to use the ones I’m sharing below.

Chili Peppers

I love you: I always recommend reminding your partner that you love them as often as you can, but unexpectedly. We all know that saying the words “I love you” can be abused and therefore; quickly loose its romantic and emotional effect. As time passes in relationships, we get comfortable and sometimes, the words are just uttered as an anthem. i.e. before/during/after sex, at the end of a phone conversation, departing from one another, etc.

Saying “I love you” when it’s least expected can rekindle old and new emotions within. Make it a “spur of the moment” thing. He/she could have just got done blowing their nose, using the bathroom, washing the dishes, whatever. Look at your partner in the eye, and say those words. They will feel loved. Unconditionally.

Write notes: I am inlove with the act of writing little love notes and placing them where your partner can find ’em. Not asking you to write a love letter, though, that may work too. I am saying write a couple of sentences on a post-it note. Place it on his/her side of the bathroom mirror, on the computer, in his briefcase, in the car, or refrigerator. Fun places. Be creative. You can write fun, silly, lovey things like, “have a wonderful stress-free workday,” “you just left the house and I miss you already,” “I can still smell you scent in the air..hmm.”

Be real, be yourself: We all have flaws!!! A lot of us act in pretense when we first meet a potential date/partner. This ends up ruining a relationship because you can only pretend for so long. It is wise to be yourself from the get go. That way, you know this person likes and accepts you for who you are. Far too often, surprises pop up in a relationship as a result of not being forthcoming. This ends up being detrimental to the union. Revealing your flaws is a sign of honesty and trust.

Try not to be a “traditional” couple at all times. A traditional husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend where certain things are off limits just because you are married or in a serious relationship. And when I say “certain” things, I’m not talking about infidelities and nuances. More like being friends, going out for happy hour, having your friends over for a movie night/drinks/great talks, indulging in things you did in the beginning to woo one another. The union does not have to be too serious.

Eat together: Eating meals together brings you two together. It also brings the family together if you have kids. Try not to skip meals. There’s always something romantic about eating with your partner. Knowing the specific time your loved one gets home will help in planning meal time. Prepare their favorite meal/drink/desert. Light candles around the house or dim lights, and have a soothing song playing in the background. The aim is to have your partner relaxed the moment he/she steps foot in the door and forget about a stressful day. They look forward to coming home and enjoying you. Besides, you get to catch up on events that happened throughout your individual day or talk about present and future plans, etc.


Kiss: Kissing is very intimate. Especially kissing when it’s least expected. Have you figured by now that I am a sucker for “surprises?” Frankly, I think unexpected, loving gestures are the best, and they keep the spice alive. Hugging or grabbing your partner from behind, passionate kisses on the cheek, lips, neck or hands. Kissing is a way to connect with your partner’s soul. And it speaks volumes.

Chores: Tackling chores together..hmm. There’s something sexy about a man doing house work. Cooking, washing dishes, vacuuming, etc. This is not a woman’s job. It’s not anyone’s job in a relationship. It is a responsibility both individuals have to share. If one person is doing the bulk of the work at home, it kills the spice in the relationship. Who wants to get intimate with their partner after slaving all day doing house work? It’s tiring, and the only thing on your mind to do is hit the bed and get your zzzzzzs. Indulging in house-hold chores brings on a level of respect. Your partner appreciates you more and finds it appealing.

Now, these are just some tips. Feel free to add what has helped you in your relationship(s). Regardless of what anyone says, we all love to be loved or feel loved.

Kisses 🙂



1 Comment

  1. Trendy March 3, 2009 Reply

    Folake, i have a lot to share on this topic, but they will be considered x-rated.

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